Suffocating

I feel like I am suffocating.

Suffocating from where I am in my life at the moment.

I'm utterly desperate for change.

I want God to move in a big way in my life.

All I can do is wait until He does, and pray I don't lose my mind before then.

Things

My heart is broken, and I am sickened by the fact that I just EASILY got rid of 4 huge black garbage bags slammed full with clothes. That is not to mention the 4 big boxes and 4 other bags that I got rid of last semester. This is so heart breaking that I have that many clothes and things, when there are little babies with nothing to put in their bellies, nothing to wear, and no shoes to put on their sweet little feet. I am hurting at my complete and utter wastefulness. I don’t need that many clothes and honestly, I don’t even want that much stuff. It is eye opening to look around and see how I fill my life with so many things, and don’t even notice it.

God take it all. I want nothing but You. Forgive me for my selfishness, and disregard for the hurting. Break my heart for what breaks Yours, Father. Thank you for loving me and opening up my eyes to my sin.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

I would just like to say that today sucked, but I'm glad God is still sovereign.

Check up

We need to take the Bible literally, do what it says, and start acting like Christians instead of just saying we are when it's convenient. Let's start holding each other accountable. So here it goes, if you claim to be a Christian, ACT LIKE IT! We all make mistakes but we're called to be different and there is NO excuse to say you are a Christian and then go partying on the weekends. We are not supposed to act like the world. We should be the church that Christ desires, but this American “christianity” SICKENS me. I want to puke when I see how the church acts and how everyone is a “christian” I’m sure people that don’t know Christ are so confused when they see “christians” out partying, drinking it up, having sex, doing drugs, acting like the world, then condemning them for doing the same thing! Goodness people, I get confused. Constantly when I am on facebook I see pictures of “christians” at frat parties boozing it up and frankly, looking like prostitutes, and I am boggled. Wait, I thought this girl was a Christian. Is she? Huh. I don’t know. WE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE THE WORLD! There should be NO doubt in outsider’s minds that we follow Christ. As Whit pointed out the other day, why do people not ask the reason for the hope that is within us? The Bible says, be prepared to give an answer WHEN someone asks about the hope within us. Why do they not ask? BECAUSE WE RESEMBLE THE WORLD. WE ARE THE WORLD!

Why be a hypocrite? What is the point? God knows your heart. He knows if we are just faking it. So I’m wondering when we are going to start taking Matthew 18:15-20 seriously, and start acting on it. What about 1 Corinthians 5:9-13. It says we are not to associate with someone who claims to be a brother and continues to do all kinds of sin. It says,”For what have I do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.” When do we start to take this literally and applying it? We are all about the love and not judging others, which praise the Lord we are able to love, but we must not forget that we are supposed to hold each other accountable. We are so frightened of hurting others feelings and calling someone out. But if a person says they are a Christian, we are supposed to call them out when they aren’t obeying Jesus. It is LOVING to do so.

And yes, this subject gets me heated, but I’ll let ya in on a little secret as to why. This was me a few years ago. Yeah. I was a “christian”. I was the biggest hypocrite. I did what I wanted, and I also managed to be self righteous at the same time. I wish someone had called me out. I wish someone had said, Rebekah you are an idiot and you aren’t a Christian. You need to check yourself and meet Jesus. I so want us to be obedient to God, and I don’t say all these things to be mean, but I say them because I love these people so much, and I don’t want them to go through all the struggles I did.

This is half hearted living. Jesus came to give us life, and for us to live it to the full. And yes, we make mistakes and we are sinners, but there should be a constant battle raging against sin, and God should be winning that battle. We should despise our sin and strive to be obedient. Jesus, so graciously, transformed us into new creations when He saved us. My heart breaks for this generation. People are missing out on so much. A relationship with Jesus is surpassingly better than anything that this world can provide.

I love you all so very much, and I hope that y’all see my heart on this issue, and don’t take it in hateful way, but rather in a way that demonstrates how much I actually do love you.

Luke 9:23

I have been convicted here lately, and I am beginning to realize that I am an idiot. I spend so much time and energy thinking about trivial things that are temporary or just plain dumb, when there are people dying every day and being eternally punished in hell because of their depravity. But here I sit whining about school or this that and the other in my comfortable life. Lately all I have been hearing from God is Him shouting, “EVANGELIZE! EVANGELIZE! EVANGELIZE!”

God give me a heart for you. Give me a heart for the broken hearted, poor, destitute, and needy.

I am called to DO SOMETHING. What does this mean in my life? I don’t know, except that I must do, I must act; I absolutely must change and give all.

God I don’t want to be the same. Everything is Yours. Take it all Jesus. Everything. Family, money, shelter, friends, comfort, safety, everything God. Take my plans and my desires and destroy them. Make them yours God. All I care about is You Jesus. You are all that matters. I want to be obedient. Make me obedient Father. I want to follow you.

Blessed be the name of the Lord

Precious Hanna got to be held in the arms of Jesus early Friday. My heart is broken. My prayers are consumed with intercessions for the Willinghams to receive comfort. I know that He is near the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18). In Matthew 5:4 it says, Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. I know God intends this for good and for His glory, and I praise Him for that in the midst of the pain. I know I can rejoice in the fact that Hanna is in Heaven laughing and playing and praising Jesus with her big sister. She is no longer in pain, and she can move freely and she can breathe easily, and it is comforting to know that. In times like these, all I can do is know that God is God, and He is loving and merciful and kind and He is sovereign. All I can do is praise Him for this, and know that He has a plan and that this will in some way bring glory to His name. I am thankful for the time that Hanna was in this world, and all the time I got to spend with her and love on her. God blessed me so immensely in knowing her. And although my heart breaks, all I know to do is be thankful and rejoice in the character of God. He is worthy to be praised in all circumstances.

The LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. Job 1:21

Hanna

Precious Hanna got to be held in the arms of Jesus early Friday. My heart is broken. My prayers are consumed with intercessions for the Willinghams to receive comfort. I know that He is near the broken hearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18). In Matthew 5:4 it says, Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. I know God intends this for good and for His glory, and I praise Him for that in the midst of the pain. I know I can rejoice in the fact that Hanna is in Heaven laughing and playing and praising Jesus with her big sister. She is no longer in pain, and she can move freely and she can breathe easily, and it is comforting to know that. In times like these, all I can do is know that God is God, and He is loving and merciful and kind and He is sovereign. All I can do is praise Him for this, and know that He has a plan and that this will in some way bring glory to His name. I am thankful for the time that Hanna was in this world, and all the time I got to spend with her and love on her. God blessed me so immensely in knowing her. And although my heart breaks, all I know to do is be thankful and rejoice in the character of God. He is worthy to be praised in all circumstances.

The LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. Job 1:21