Testimony

Hmm… Where to begin? I don’t know. Why don’t we start off as a child.
I was always a “good” child. I did what I was supposed to. At least in front of others. I always cared about what others thought. I put up a front and was always polite. The problem with this was that I thought I was a good child. Now I knew I couldn’t get to heaven by works. No, I was taught well, but I thought now that I asked Jesus into my heart, well I was a good Christian. I mean I hadn’t ever done anything bad. EVER. Therefore as I got older I could judge others. I was about as good as a person could be right?
When this so called “good” person became a pre-teen, and she got a best friend. That is when the pattern started. The pattern was that I would put all my hope and joy in this best friend, and then this best friend wouldn’t want to be my friend for various reasons. After the person wouldn’t be my friend, I would be friendless, and of course I would turn to God. It was always in the winter for some reason. The friendship would end in the fall and in the winter would be God time. This happened with three people. It seems so long ago, but my last friendship ended a little more than a year ago. I loved all these friends so dearly. Before I can go on I need to tell you about my life for the two years before “the change.”
As I said before, I was a “good” child. That was until my sophomore year in high school. I did many things I’m not proud of. Many people wouldn’t view have I behaved as too terribly bad, I just know that I did things that I’m not okay with, and that I know my Savior’s not okay with. I was lukewarm, and I knew it, and was okay with it. I was okay with being lukewarm. It hurts thinking about that now. I knew better. I was close to being spit out of the mouth of God. (Revelation 3:16: So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.)
My thinking in those days was that God gives grace, why not use it. Does it really matter what I do? He will forgive me no matter what. It was intentional sinning, knowing that I would confess later. That is how I lived my life. Oh I knew I was a Christian and that God existed, and that I shouldn’t do anything really really bad. I was still better than others that did worse things than me. I was better because I was a Christian too. Right?
I had a blast those two years, sinning like that was awesome. I mean why wouldn’t you sin if you can receive a get out of hell free card at the end of everyday if you just said that you were sorry, and knew you shouldn’t have done that. It was like when I was forced to apologize for hitting my brother Jonna. I always said it, but did I really mean it? No! he deserved it. I just wanted to appease my parents so I could keep doing what I wanted. When I confessed I was just trying to keep on God’s good side so that I wouldn’t get consequences, and so I could do it all over the next day. That was my life in those days. And I was fine with it. I saw no need to change.
Last July(2007) I got a new car, my dad’s lovely x-terra. Black, and beautiful. (I’m still paying it off.) My best friend at the time and I were going out to shop and go to dinner. When we got in the car, I turned on the radio, and that was my first memory of a “God-stop” moment. In a booming voice, like God himself was speaking came the words:
What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?

That verse is Romans 6:1-2, and I can tell you that I will never forget that moment or those words. Of course I quickly shut off my dad’s bible on tape and turned it to some rap station. What an awkward moment to be caught in your sin, realize that God isn't so naive, He knew how I had been living, and He wasn't okay with it. That is a stop you in your tracks kind of moment.
That was the start of it all. I still lived the way I had previously for another couple of months but that lifestyle was ripped away from me when my best friend “broke up with me”, and along with her all of the other friends in the group. So basically I’m saying I had no friends other than maybe two?
This is where Whitney Lowery comes into the mess called my life. Let me tell you about Whitney first. She is my hero, but mostly an amazing gift from God. She is one of those people that is actually that nice. It isn’t a front, it is God shining through her. She loves deeply, she is friendly, and always welcoming. Oh and she is super cool. She is one of those Christians that you want to be. She isn’t a fake, and she has a passion for Christ, and Christ uses her to get other people excited about Him. You can talk to her forever about Christ and it is always so interesting, and you will always learn new things. The great thing though, is that she is right there learning with you. She doesn’t claim to know it all and she is so eager to learn. So pretty much Whitney is the coolest person ever.
What did Whitney do that made her so great in your eyes you ask? Well, she invited me to youth group at the church that I worked at. She even stayed with me and introduced me to people, and acted as though she was proud to introduce me.
It isn’t as thought I wasn’t a church go-er. I always went to church until I got a job in a nursery working on Sundays. That night there was a video of Louie Giglio speaking about the universe and how incredible God is. Everything that God had been trying to show my just came to the forefront, It was like an awakening. I cried. It changed me. God changed me. My life was no longer mine at that point. I was in over my head, I was in love with my Savior. It had never been like this before. In 18 years of hearing about Christ I finally got it. I don't just know of Christ anymore, I know Him. I have a relationship with Him. Over the past 16 months I have grown in my relationship with Christ, some great followers of Christ that God sent me have helped with that. I’m a different person now. I have that passion that I saw in Whitney, I have that deep love that I so desperately needed and wanted. Of course there are struggles. Jesus tells us that we will. “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have trouble. But take heart; I have overcome the world." - john 16:33, and in 1 Peter 5:10 - “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”
In all my trials and tribulation, I know that I have my Lord, and I can lean on him. He is strong enough for the both of us. And I can lean firm on him, knowing that everything is for his glory and that’s what I want, to bring him glory.