Ramblings of Rebekah

Wooohooo! Only 5 weeks of school left! I am very ready to go home, and I am thrilled to see what will happen in the next year.

For some reason my posts on here are always serious. I guess I’m so goofy all of the time, and I rarely have deep conversations with people other than the parents and Whitney and Katie, that I just need to get it out. I mean, I am a very open person. There isn’t really anything that I won’t tell people. I don’t have secrets. I will have a deep conversation with anyone, but I think people peg me as the silly loud girl when they first meet me, and don’t really look further. People get surprised when they find out that I am extremely emotional, and when they find out that I’m not dumb. I think I give off the impression that I’m dumb without meaning to.
I have been talking about this with W&K and how I just don’t know what to do with my personality and being a Christian. I feel as though I should be docile, sweet, serious and shy little Christian girl, but I am so far from it. I am way too silly, and for some reason inappropriate things just slip out of my mouth, and then people place me in that category, and its hard to make the transition to a serious topic or witness. I don’t know what to do, because I think that I make people happy, but this just isn’t who I envisioned I would be.

I have this thing where I see myself in the future, and its such a great image, but its like the person isn’t me at all, well not my personality. And I’m wondering how I would get from the person I am today to then. Its unrealistic because its not me. Its kind of like how as a kid I thought I would feel grown up by 19, but in reality I still feel like a kid, and I’m not at all who the younger me thought I would be.

I don’t know if any of the above made sense at all haha.

I want to get involved in a bible study/small group next year. I need to find one. I think I’m going to go to Southeastern, and I super excited about that, but I just don’ know yet.

I want to do some kind of mission work this summer, I don’t have to go off, just around Birmingham, because I am not putting my faith into action, and that is wrong. I’m bad about focusing too much on what things I need to change in my life to help my personal Christian growth, when I should focus on serving others, because there is obviously a serious heart issue there if I am not. Because of my faith I should be wanting to help others and have a servants heart like Christ. I think about mission work and I want to do it, but it never seems to come to fruition.


What I’m praying for:
A servant’s heart
A lead in to witnessing to others while keeping my personality
A group of friends for next year (I’m always praying for friends it seems... sad)
A college to go to
That I will someday be a part of something beautiful that serves the Lord

God is cool.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

I’ve gone through a lot of things in my life, that at the time I just didn’t understand. I used to get so angry at God and wonder why He was doing this or that to me. Its really neat to see as I get older, and thankfully more mature, that God actually has a plan. Who knew?! Haha. I can look back on events that were so tragic in my life and be amazed by how God used these unpleasant circumstances in such an astoundingly beautiful way. Its exciting to know that when I look back in a couple of years I might see how some disappointing things that happened this year are just puzzle pieces to make something extraordinary.

Psalm 19:1 The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.

I am in awe of my Heavenly Father. He created such beauty and I am utterly astounded by it. I want to find a field in the middle of nowhere and be able to lift my hands and praise my Savior with the beautiful sun shining down. I want to go where there are no lights and stare up at the beautiful stars for hours and be alone with my Lord.

I miss Shelby County, and even though its suburbia, It is a bit harder to find such beauty in Tuscaloosa. Don’t get me wrong, hardly a day goes by when I don’t see God’s glory through nature, but its harder with such big buildings everywhere I go. I live in a concrete world when I want to live in one of flowers and trees and grass. I’m excited about spring break because I know there are some fields in Birmingham, and some places with no lights, and I plan to find them. I don’t know that I’d feel quite safe doing that in Tuscaloosa haha.


Lamentations 3:22-24 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I will hope in him.

I am really looking forward to what God has in store for next year. I have never been one for change, but I can’t even describe how ecstatic I am about something I should probably be disappointed about. I know God is sovereign, so why should I worry? I think this is the first time in my life that I’m not worrying about something, and its actually something big. I’m living proof that people can completely change. I don’t know what the future holds and I’m okay with that. Each day I can wake up knowing that God is in control, loves me, and cares more about what happens to me than I do.

God is cool.