Broken Hearted

I am so broken hearted. I’m tired of everything in my life right now with the exception of a couple of things. I'm tired of this world and the thing in it. I don't want to be a part of any of it. I'm ready to be in Heaven with my Jesus.


I don’t like how I’m reacting to things that happen, or to people. I become jealous, bitter, and wonder why God made me the way I am. I don’t like being unhappy and sad, but people break my heart. I shouldn’t let people disappoint me, but they do. Others’ actions shouldn’t affect how I feel or how my day goes, but they do. I then begin to question why God placed certain people in my life. Is it to hurt me? It is obviously to teach me something, but I am constantly angry at myself for reverting back to my old ways. Sometimes I think maybe people are in my life so that Christ can reveal himself through me, but obviously not, because I am an utter failure at showing God‘s love. I wish I could take back the last 5 years and re-do them with the knowledge I have now. Everything would be different. I wouldn’t have so much shame, guilt, and regret, and I could have possible made a difference. I could be a better witness. I can’t take back the past, but I can do things differently in the future. I am excited to start over. Move back home, new college, new job place, hopefully some new friends. Maybe I’ll do it right this time. I know God has a plan for this mess that is my life.

All this being said,
God is sovereign.

Although no one died, I still feel this song fits.