Calling. Hmmm, what is mine? Well, that has been quite the topic with me and God. I feel like our conversations are consumed by this. When I talk about “my calling” I mean what God wants me to do with my life, but I think there are different kinds of callings, or I define them differently. 1st and foremost I am called to be a follower of Christ. Period. The end. That is my goal, my journey, my purpose. That is the big calling. In this calling I consider all that goes along with, and is a part of being a Christian. This will not and cannot change.
I have, from the time I can remember, felt that my calling is to be a wife and a mother to whoever God gives me. That is the second calling, and this includes being a Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 wife, and following Ephesians 5:22-24, 1 Peter 3:1-7, as well as many others. I am to be an encourager and partner to this man. I am called to raise up children with knowledge about God, and pray for them, that they will come to the faith. I want to raise up children who are, as John Piper has said, “Christ-exalting, Bible-cherishing, Spirit-filled, doctrinally Reformed, people-loving, hard-thinking, deep-feeling, justice-advancing, and globally aware” while striving to be these things myself.
God has perfectly equipped me to be these things, and it is so beautiful to see how intimately He knows my heart and my desires and loves me in spite of myself. He made me so intricately with tiny quirks that mold to His plan in a way that shouts and praises His name.
So we have the first two callings down. Now to the third calling, at the moment I am called to be a teacher, and that is what I am going to school to do. I don’t know the details of this calling; God can take this and do with it what He will. This calling can change; If God wants me to do something else tomorrow, I am there.
From then on, the callings are smaller. For example, I know God wants me to be at Asbury at this point in time, but I do not know why yet. The struggle comes in when I begin to compare my calling to that of others. I guess, at times, I feel as though mine are plain, basic, trivial, or simplistic. I love all of these things that are part of, or are going to be a part of my life, but I suppose I sometimes wish I was called to be a missionary in a foreign country. I would love it if I was supposed to do something extreme and different. At the moment I am not called to go to another country of do something wild or unique. This could definitely change. Considering the fact that my callings are to be a wife, mother and teacher, everything else can change, like location, or area of teaching, or even vocation. The location and job are dependent on what God wants my future husband to do. I am to follow Christ and obey the authority He has given my future husband.
When I see people in my life that I love so much, doing, or planning to do, all of these incredible, comfort zone pushing, life changing things, I get jealous. This is not saying that I don’t love God’s plan for my life, because I do. It is just that I can see God moving so much in their lives and in those that they come in contact with. I wish that I could see God moving more in His plans for my life.
I don’t want to be seen as this typical American “Christian” who doesn’t live for God. They are so much of this world that Christ is an afterthought, if even that. I don’t want to be viewed as someone who does something typical because they are scared of putting action behind their faith. I want people to see that I have been transformed by the LORD’s extravagant love, grace, and mercy; and am willing to do anything that He will have me do.
I guess the issue comes about when I get calling judgy. Who am I to disrespect God’s plan for my life. It is disgusting. He is God, sovereign beautiful creator of the universe, and I act as though what He wants me to do isn’t good enough. This reminds me of Romans 9:20, which says, “But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, "Why have you made me like this?" - The answer is NO by the way.
Precious Savior, purge the sin from me, so that I may become more like you. Refine me in whatever way necessary, getting rid of the jealousy, coveting, self pity, arrogance, and anything not of you. Mold my desires to match your desires. Thank you for your mercy and your plan Abba Father.
