It would be an understatement saying that college has been a big change.
First Semester:
Well first semester was tough to say the least. To experience the greatest year of your life, then have to leave it all behind and come to Tuscaloosa where I couldn’t seem to find people who think like me was such a heartbreaking thing. When a person is new in their faith, they need that encouragement, and I wasn’t getting that. I also had a new job that I didn’t like, and I was just an unhappy person. I was ungrateful and angry and bitter. Every time I would go home to see my family all I did was complain and cry. I wanted to be happy but I just couldn’t seem to be. I started to pray to be content with my job and school which took a long time and a lot of prayer. I was surprised when I wrote a note on facebook about my struggles how many people encouraged me. Towards the end of last semester I still searching for a group of good Christian friends, but I had become so much more content with my job. I began to wonder if God had other plans as far as schooling goes for me next year.
Second Semester:
I came back to school and was a little homesick and realized school was going to take so much more effort this semester. I began going to Wesley Foundation with Sarah Foust and loved it. I’ve been going ever since, and have met so many great people. Work is still work. Its not unbearable, but I definitely don’t want to work at target for the rest of my life. I’m just trying to make it to May 8th haha. I usually have to memorize a bible verse about being joyful in all circumstances while I’m there, along with a lot of prayer so that I don’t whine too much (which I tend to do). I don’t want people to view me as an unhappy person, luckily I don’t think people do. They mostly see me as goofy. I’m the “crazy white girl” at work haha.
So this semester I have been happy and I began to think that God wants me here now. Every thing was beginning to come together. I was about to sign a lease on an apartment with some great girls I met at Wesley, and was really excited about the future. I went to look at my FAFSA to see how much I would be getting in loans, and was shocked to see my “expected family contribution” We were expected to pay four times the amount we did this year. The amount we would have to pay was more than college itself. In other words, no loans for me. I became panic stricken and got so upset. I tried to see if I could apply to become independent, since my parents weren’t paying for school, well all of it anyways. I was annoyed because my parents are too “well off” for me to get loans. That is ridiculous because they aren’t. I mean we are extremely blessed but in no way can we afford to pay for all of college. I was so confused because I thought God wanted me to go to UA.
I kind of relate to this thing that Derek Luquire once told Whitney, Katie, and me in the Asbury parking lot:
Its like God is telling me to go up the mountain to the cross. When I’m almost there He says,
“Now I want you to go to the van at the other end of the parking lot.”
“But, God, I’m almost to the cross.”
“Well, I want you to stop and obey me.”
Its not so much about going to the places, but more about the journey and listening to Him and obeying whether it makes since to you at the time or not. Its about teaching me to listen and obey no matter what.
This is how I feel. God is now telling me to go home for the next year and save money. I don’t need to question God and tell him, “Well, You told me last month to stay here” God is God period. Who am I to question Him? I might not see the big picture now, but I know that my God is sovereign and He has a plan, so there is no reason to worry
So, next years possible plan:
Go to Jeff State in the fall and finish my core classes. If I’m not finished by Spring, continue to do core subjects. If I am, go to UAB in the spring and get some of my teacher courses out of the way. Then my junior and senior year come back to UA.
This of course is tentative. Only God knows what my plans are. My plans can change, because they don’t matter.
As the saying goes: “If you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plans.”
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Wicked and Amazing Savior.
I was going through my word documents and found some things I had written over the last year, and I think I will post them.
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Wicked
9/25/08
Today is just one of those days that I realize what a wicked human I am. I sin constantly and deserve nothing. It also means its one of those days that I see grace from my Savior and realize how blessed I am and how lost I could be.
Moments like these make me think of Romans 7:11-25. "What a wicked man I am". That leads me to think of Romans 8:1: "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus".
Oh how blessed i am even in my worst moments
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Amazing Savior
I don't know the exact date
(Fall 2008)
My Savior is so amazing! He has blessed me so much this past year. Its hard to believe its been almost a year or a few months shy since the "change". Its hard to believe I ever lived the way I did, that I thought the way I did, and I thought it was okay, that I was doing pretty good with life and pleasing God.
Thankfully I've learned that I can't. I'm not pleasing, nothing I do is right if I don't have God at the forefront of my life. I used to think it was about me, about me and God. Then it hit me hard that its so not about me. Life is purely about God and His glory. I'm just blessed to be able to be a part of it. He is teaching me so much and transforming me completely. I don't know that anyone would recognize who I am today compared to who I was. Now I am his.
I used to think everything I did was okay because God gave grace. right? I used to think a lot of things that were skewed..
That’s when I came across the lovely verse that is Romans 6:1
Now its different. There is a want to please God, to do what He commands. The sin lurking there is now sickening, where as it used to be no big deal.
I see now that If I’m truly the Christian that I say I am, its living the life of one. Its not just a prayer. Its a lifestyle, an eternity, a passion for Christ, a need to be with him. A need for Christ to fill you. Christ will shine through you, and you will have joy in Him, and ONLY in Him can you find that joy.
My Savior is amazing.
---Let my life shine, come and let my heart shine
We’re going to walk the world and lift the bread and wine
Like the stars shine, come and let our hearts shine
In a dark world, we lift the bread and wine
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wicked
9/25/08
Today is just one of those days that I realize what a wicked human I am. I sin constantly and deserve nothing. It also means its one of those days that I see grace from my Savior and realize how blessed I am and how lost I could be.
Moments like these make me think of Romans 7:11-25. "What a wicked man I am". That leads me to think of Romans 8:1: "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus".
Oh how blessed i am even in my worst moments
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Amazing Savior
I don't know the exact date
(Fall 2008)
My Savior is so amazing! He has blessed me so much this past year. Its hard to believe its been almost a year or a few months shy since the "change". Its hard to believe I ever lived the way I did, that I thought the way I did, and I thought it was okay, that I was doing pretty good with life and pleasing God.
Thankfully I've learned that I can't. I'm not pleasing, nothing I do is right if I don't have God at the forefront of my life. I used to think it was about me, about me and God. Then it hit me hard that its so not about me. Life is purely about God and His glory. I'm just blessed to be able to be a part of it. He is teaching me so much and transforming me completely. I don't know that anyone would recognize who I am today compared to who I was. Now I am his.
I used to think everything I did was okay because God gave grace. right? I used to think a lot of things that were skewed..
That’s when I came across the lovely verse that is Romans 6:1
Now its different. There is a want to please God, to do what He commands. The sin lurking there is now sickening, where as it used to be no big deal.
I see now that If I’m truly the Christian that I say I am, its living the life of one. Its not just a prayer. Its a lifestyle, an eternity, a passion for Christ, a need to be with him. A need for Christ to fill you. Christ will shine through you, and you will have joy in Him, and ONLY in Him can you find that joy.
My Savior is amazing.
---Let my life shine, come and let my heart shine
We’re going to walk the world and lift the bread and wine
Like the stars shine, come and let our hearts shine
In a dark world, we lift the bread and wine
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Testimony
Hmm… Where to begin? I don’t know. Why don’t we start off as a child.
I was always a “good” child. I did what I was supposed to. At least in front of others. I always cared about what others thought. I put up a front and was always polite. The problem with this was that I thought I was a good child. Now I knew I couldn’t get to heaven by works. No, I was taught well, but I thought now that I asked Jesus into my heart, well I was a good Christian. I mean I hadn’t ever done anything bad. EVER. Therefore as I got older I could judge others. I was about as good as a person could be right?
When this so called “good” person became a pre-teen, and she got a best friend. That is when the pattern started. The pattern was that I would put all my hope and joy in this best friend, and then this best friend wouldn’t want to be my friend for various reasons. After the person wouldn’t be my friend, I would be friendless, and of course I would turn to God. It was always in the winter for some reason. The friendship would end in the fall and in the winter would be God time. This happened with three people. It seems so long ago, but my last friendship ended a little more than a year ago. I loved all these friends so dearly. Before I can go on I need to tell you about my life for the two years before “the change.”
As I said before, I was a “good” child. That was until my sophomore year in high school. I did many things I’m not proud of. Many people wouldn’t view have I behaved as too terribly bad, I just know that I did things that I’m not okay with, and that I know my Savior’s not okay with. I was lukewarm, and I knew it, and was okay with it. I was okay with being lukewarm. It hurts thinking about that now. I knew better. I was close to being spit out of the mouth of God. (Revelation 3:16: So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.)
My thinking in those days was that God gives grace, why not use it. Does it really matter what I do? He will forgive me no matter what. It was intentional sinning, knowing that I would confess later. That is how I lived my life. Oh I knew I was a Christian and that God existed, and that I shouldn’t do anything really really bad. I was still better than others that did worse things than me. I was better because I was a Christian too. Right?
I had a blast those two years, sinning like that was awesome. I mean why wouldn’t you sin if you can receive a get out of hell free card at the end of everyday if you just said that you were sorry, and knew you shouldn’t have done that. It was like when I was forced to apologize for hitting my brother Jonna. I always said it, but did I really mean it? No! he deserved it. I just wanted to appease my parents so I could keep doing what I wanted. When I confessed I was just trying to keep on God’s good side so that I wouldn’t get consequences, and so I could do it all over the next day. That was my life in those days. And I was fine with it. I saw no need to change.
Last July(2007) I got a new car, my dad’s lovely x-terra. Black, and beautiful. (I’m still paying it off.) My best friend at the time and I were going out to shop and go to dinner. When we got in the car, I turned on the radio, and that was my first memory of a “God-stop” moment. In a booming voice, like God himself was speaking came the words:
What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?
That verse is Romans 6:1-2, and I can tell you that I will never forget that moment or those words. Of course I quickly shut off my dad’s bible on tape and turned it to some rap station. What an awkward moment to be caught in your sin, realize that God isn't so naive, He knew how I had been living, and He wasn't okay with it. That is a stop you in your tracks kind of moment.
That was the start of it all. I still lived the way I had previously for another couple of months but that lifestyle was ripped away from me when my best friend “broke up with me”, and along with her all of the other friends in the group. So basically I’m saying I had no friends other than maybe two?
This is where Whitney Lowery comes into the mess called my life. Let me tell you about Whitney first. She is my hero, but mostly an amazing gift from God. She is one of those people that is actually that nice. It isn’t a front, it is God shining through her. She loves deeply, she is friendly, and always welcoming. Oh and she is super cool. She is one of those Christians that you want to be. She isn’t a fake, and she has a passion for Christ, and Christ uses her to get other people excited about Him. You can talk to her forever about Christ and it is always so interesting, and you will always learn new things. The great thing though, is that she is right there learning with you. She doesn’t claim to know it all and she is so eager to learn. So pretty much Whitney is the coolest person ever.
What did Whitney do that made her so great in your eyes you ask? Well, she invited me to youth group at the church that I worked at. She even stayed with me and introduced me to people, and acted as though she was proud to introduce me.
It isn’t as thought I wasn’t a church go-er. I always went to church until I got a job in a nursery working on Sundays. That night there was a video of Louie Giglio speaking about the universe and how incredible God is. Everything that God had been trying to show my just came to the forefront, It was like an awakening. I cried. It changed me. God changed me. My life was no longer mine at that point. I was in over my head, I was in love with my Savior. It had never been like this before. In 18 years of hearing about Christ I finally got it. I don't just know of Christ anymore, I know Him. I have a relationship with Him. Over the past 16 months I have grown in my relationship with Christ, some great followers of Christ that God sent me have helped with that. I’m a different person now. I have that passion that I saw in Whitney, I have that deep love that I so desperately needed and wanted. Of course there are struggles. Jesus tells us that we will. “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have trouble. But take heart; I have overcome the world." - john 16:33, and in 1 Peter 5:10 - “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”
In all my trials and tribulation, I know that I have my Lord, and I can lean on him. He is strong enough for the both of us. And I can lean firm on him, knowing that everything is for his glory and that’s what I want, to bring him glory.
I was always a “good” child. I did what I was supposed to. At least in front of others. I always cared about what others thought. I put up a front and was always polite. The problem with this was that I thought I was a good child. Now I knew I couldn’t get to heaven by works. No, I was taught well, but I thought now that I asked Jesus into my heart, well I was a good Christian. I mean I hadn’t ever done anything bad. EVER. Therefore as I got older I could judge others. I was about as good as a person could be right?
When this so called “good” person became a pre-teen, and she got a best friend. That is when the pattern started. The pattern was that I would put all my hope and joy in this best friend, and then this best friend wouldn’t want to be my friend for various reasons. After the person wouldn’t be my friend, I would be friendless, and of course I would turn to God. It was always in the winter for some reason. The friendship would end in the fall and in the winter would be God time. This happened with three people. It seems so long ago, but my last friendship ended a little more than a year ago. I loved all these friends so dearly. Before I can go on I need to tell you about my life for the two years before “the change.”
As I said before, I was a “good” child. That was until my sophomore year in high school. I did many things I’m not proud of. Many people wouldn’t view have I behaved as too terribly bad, I just know that I did things that I’m not okay with, and that I know my Savior’s not okay with. I was lukewarm, and I knew it, and was okay with it. I was okay with being lukewarm. It hurts thinking about that now. I knew better. I was close to being spit out of the mouth of God. (Revelation 3:16: So, because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.)
My thinking in those days was that God gives grace, why not use it. Does it really matter what I do? He will forgive me no matter what. It was intentional sinning, knowing that I would confess later. That is how I lived my life. Oh I knew I was a Christian and that God existed, and that I shouldn’t do anything really really bad. I was still better than others that did worse things than me. I was better because I was a Christian too. Right?
I had a blast those two years, sinning like that was awesome. I mean why wouldn’t you sin if you can receive a get out of hell free card at the end of everyday if you just said that you were sorry, and knew you shouldn’t have done that. It was like when I was forced to apologize for hitting my brother Jonna. I always said it, but did I really mean it? No! he deserved it. I just wanted to appease my parents so I could keep doing what I wanted. When I confessed I was just trying to keep on God’s good side so that I wouldn’t get consequences, and so I could do it all over the next day. That was my life in those days. And I was fine with it. I saw no need to change.
Last July(2007) I got a new car, my dad’s lovely x-terra. Black, and beautiful. (I’m still paying it off.) My best friend at the time and I were going out to shop and go to dinner. When we got in the car, I turned on the radio, and that was my first memory of a “God-stop” moment. In a booming voice, like God himself was speaking came the words:
What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?
That verse is Romans 6:1-2, and I can tell you that I will never forget that moment or those words. Of course I quickly shut off my dad’s bible on tape and turned it to some rap station. What an awkward moment to be caught in your sin, realize that God isn't so naive, He knew how I had been living, and He wasn't okay with it. That is a stop you in your tracks kind of moment.
That was the start of it all. I still lived the way I had previously for another couple of months but that lifestyle was ripped away from me when my best friend “broke up with me”, and along with her all of the other friends in the group. So basically I’m saying I had no friends other than maybe two?
This is where Whitney Lowery comes into the mess called my life. Let me tell you about Whitney first. She is my hero, but mostly an amazing gift from God. She is one of those people that is actually that nice. It isn’t a front, it is God shining through her. She loves deeply, she is friendly, and always welcoming. Oh and she is super cool. She is one of those Christians that you want to be. She isn’t a fake, and she has a passion for Christ, and Christ uses her to get other people excited about Him. You can talk to her forever about Christ and it is always so interesting, and you will always learn new things. The great thing though, is that she is right there learning with you. She doesn’t claim to know it all and she is so eager to learn. So pretty much Whitney is the coolest person ever.
What did Whitney do that made her so great in your eyes you ask? Well, she invited me to youth group at the church that I worked at. She even stayed with me and introduced me to people, and acted as though she was proud to introduce me.
It isn’t as thought I wasn’t a church go-er. I always went to church until I got a job in a nursery working on Sundays. That night there was a video of Louie Giglio speaking about the universe and how incredible God is. Everything that God had been trying to show my just came to the forefront, It was like an awakening. I cried. It changed me. God changed me. My life was no longer mine at that point. I was in over my head, I was in love with my Savior. It had never been like this before. In 18 years of hearing about Christ I finally got it. I don't just know of Christ anymore, I know Him. I have a relationship with Him. Over the past 16 months I have grown in my relationship with Christ, some great followers of Christ that God sent me have helped with that. I’m a different person now. I have that passion that I saw in Whitney, I have that deep love that I so desperately needed and wanted. Of course there are struggles. Jesus tells us that we will. “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have trouble. But take heart; I have overcome the world." - john 16:33, and in 1 Peter 5:10 - “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.”
In all my trials and tribulation, I know that I have my Lord, and I can lean on him. He is strong enough for the both of us. And I can lean firm on him, knowing that everything is for his glory and that’s what I want, to bring him glory.
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